Once again it’s that time of the year when hopeless romantics everywhere look forward to candlelit dinners, flowers delivered to the office or even a much anticipated marriage proposal. Aside from Christmas it probably is the most wonderful time of the year, but before we let Cupid create our ideal vision of love, we must first ask each other the following questions about the role money plays in maintaining healthy relationships beyond Valentine’s Day.

1. What is your current financial picture and what are your financial goals?
Far too often couples find it easier to discuss how many children they will have, which house to buy and where they will spend retirement without even talking about how they plan to meet those goals financially. College funding, home ownership and retirement are three of the biggest financial decisions any couple will make, but somehow we fail to determine how we will make it happen. Further we choose to hide from our partners outstanding credit card debt, low FICO scores and excessive spending habits instead of having honest conversations with our significant others. Perhaps you want to be “copreneurs” (couples who own businesses together), but like everything else it requires careful planning and consideration.

2. Do you put the pursuit of money above everything else?
I Timothy 6:10 is says: “For the love of money is the root of all evil; which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” Some have misinterpreted this passage to read Sthat money is evil and that the accumulation of it should be avoided at all costs. But read the scripture carefully – it says the love of money is the root of all evil, not money by itself. In other words, we err in the sight of God when we place money as the most important thing in our live and we love money more than we love God. As a couple you need evaluate that you are not putting material things (which often leads to unnecessary debt) above building your relationship together according to God’s purpose.

3. Are you disciplined enough to maintain a family budget?
My pastor recently called for a six (6) month fast on excessive spending except for absolute necessities. As hard as this will be, the purpose for me is to enforce a sense of discipline and more importantly to recognize God as the true provider of my daily bread. Part of that discipline comes from understanding the difference between need vs. want and sticking to a budget. I am always amazed with reality shows like Bridezillas where brides obsess with spending at least $100,000 on a wedding and aren’t the least bit concerned if the wedding goes over budget. Unfortunately many of these brides and grooms will carry that same mentality into their marriage and their finances and ultimately relationship will suffer as a result.

Now, I’m sure this wasn’t Valentine Day message you were expecting, but sometimes we need to look at more than just being in love, sometimes you need a reality check. Don’t get me wrong I believe in the power of love and desire romance just as much as the next person, but I’ve learned that they key to the success for any relationship is not just about finding chemistry or common interests. It’s also about making responsible decisions as partners, including those related to finances. So, enjoy the chocolates, cozy dinners and tender kisses this Valentine’s Day, but be sure you also make time to have serious conversations about your finances…it just might save you from Heartbreak Hotel.